At the same time, I enjoy the feeling of power that writing brings. I can control very little in this world. Events, the past, the future, people, especially those I love, are all beyond my direct control. I can influence sometimes, but I cannot change what is. In writing, however, I have total control. My characters look the way I want them to look, say what I want them to say, act the way I want them to act. All within reason, of course. They do take on lives of their own that are not fully in my control once they start to mature. Nevertheless, I created them, I can mold them through the circumstances into which I choose to place them, and I can help them grow in predictable ways.
I also write non-fiction. Here, too, I find joy. I get great satisfaction from making an idea clear for others to understand. I love seeing the light dawn in someone's eyes when they read a truth I have uncovered for them.
The very act of putting thoughts into word form has been a source of joy and satisfaction for me for as long as I can remember. I am not a good extemporaneous speaker. I do not think well on my feet. When I have time, however, to go inside my head and examine ideas and then spin them into words on paper, I get a natural high. It lifts my spirits.
The downside to writing for me is that I am a perfectionist, and there is no perfection in writing. Words can be put together in many ways, and no one way is the perfect way. And so a piece of writing for me is never done. I simply stop polishing it at some point and let it go. To find the one perfect pearl is to leave a whole lot of lovely shells lying along the shore. I am learning to be satisfied with my collection of shells even while I still wait for the pearl of great price.
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